Scadalous/ Friday, March 18
it's a world of u and her..and it cannot accomodate a third oNe? at Least tt is wad it seems to mee..mayBe jealousy is realli worse than heartache..i duNnoe..i realli duNnooe..teach me..how to take my miNd off u..it sux..it realli do..and it's realli t0rMeNtiN..wadeva~ u realli killed mee..u put me at such a lost..i'm losiNg myself..plz get out..of my life..juz get out plz...u will neva understaNd..de kiNda contradiction i feel..den y should i still try to loVe every single Bit of u..it's all uNcerTaINtY..and i'M aFRaId..how we used to be iN de past is lost..yet im' realli wundering how u are now..i'm missiN ya so bad..it huRtZx..i wanna get over this..s0oN..it'S aN0tHeR w0RkiNg DaE tMRr..i miss kai..i still miss him..i realli do..it's like a prick iN mee..which cannot Be remoVed..i still see his smiles..i still see de wae he used to luff..or juz complain..i see de frustration in him a few weeks before he collapsed..and y wasn't i juz dere fer him..my heart cries..my soul tears..and i can't hold them back..i feel everythiNG when nite falls..and i can't seem to couNter it..kai..i still duN believe..it's like a bad dream..it seems like i'm in a deep sleep..i wanna wake up..aNd fiNd everythiNg iN place..kai is still here with us..and everythiNg is Normal..it seems like yesterdae..i feel his paiN when he was in de ICU..mayBe others are over with this sadness..But i'm juz beginniNg to feel it..i duN wanna lose him..is dere no wae..to BriNG him back? flashes of him..keeps appeariN..his smile..his gesture..ARGH..i feel so heavy..i feel so..crappy! mayBe this explains de wae i am these few daes..i've been haViNg terriBle moodswings..realli..kai..plz cum back..i duN wanna dream anymore..i duN wan this nitemate..i still grieve..over de lost of him..u can nv imagine..de taste of l0siNg suM0Ne wH0 iS sPeCiaL in MaNi waEs to U..No oNe cAn eVeR iMaGiNe dEe RegReTz i FeeL..dere were so mani thiNgs..i wanted..and should Haf told him..yet i didN't..cuz of sum reaS0ns..tiL Now..oH L0Rd..LEt Me dReaM oF HiM pLzz..Kai..cuM baCk plZz..My w0RLd is DaRk NoW..
indulgence in the wee hrs 0f..
12:19:00 AM
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